Oladipupo Aminat
EPISODE 3
(When Love Became Manipulation….)
Bolu expressed his love for me loudly.
That was at least how it felt before the end of my National Diploma Programme.
He had already completed his High National Diploma program before my graduation, but we continued to communicate every day.
•Calls.
•Chats.
•Future-faking; he was never afraid to make long but futile promises about the future.
I felt secure, or so I thought.
He introduced me to some of his friends.
They called me “Ìyàwó wa”;
Meaning, our wife.
My heart fluttered every time they said it.
•I felt chosen.
•Official.
•Seen.
Bolu planned outings and dates.
Sometimes, Shalewa would beg to follow us as she loved enjoyment too much.
Toke always stayed back.
•Quiet.
•Reserved.
Just the way she had always been.
Everything felt good…..
He was too good….
Too good to be true;
•that I thought I didn’t deserve him.
•that I didn’t notice when the cracks started to appear.
The manipulation was subtle.
It began with little complaints.
“Why do you dress like this?”
“Don’t you know I’m a big boy now?”
There was nothing wrong with my clothes.
•I loved comfort.
•I loved simple gowns and braids.
•Wigs were never my thing.
But Bolu compared me to his ex.
“She dressed better.”
“She wore wigs.”
"She looked more classy than this," he would say, staring at me from head to toe in disgust.
I was willing to change.
For love.
However, it was not the correction that broke me.
It was the way he talked to me.
The tone.
The disrespect wrapped in “care.”
*******************
The gaslighting gradually intensified.
When I complained, he made me feel like I was the problem.
•Like I was too sensitive.
•As if I imagined things.
I eventually spoke with my friends about it.
"Zainab, please leave immediately. It is still early," Toke warned, fear written all over her face as if she could sense the danger approaching.
Shalewa laughed and said,
"So far, he is spending money on you, paying your bills, planning dates with you, and you are living a comfortable life, abeg stay. Every relationship has its challenges."
I stayed.
Please do not blame me...
"After all, does not it rain everywhere?"" was what I told myself.
I did not stay because of the easy lifestyle that came with being with him.
But the fear of starting over and getting to lose the only man that I thought showed me true love, made me feel heard and seen.
I didn’t want to be alone.
Months went by and I made my first step towards progress.
I graduated.
And as expected of students who just concluded their National Diploma, I went for Internship Training.
The emotional blackmail continued, but I stayed regardless.
Everything changed…..
•Communication dropped.
•No more late-night calls.
•Excuses replaced efforts.
He started BREADCRUMBING;
which means being fed with the least attention.
•attention tiny enough to keep you in the loop.
•attention just enough to keep me hoping…..
•attention just enough to keep me waiting….
I told myself he was busy.
I told myself not to overthink.
But my spirit knew something was wrong.
I should have walked away that very moment, If I had known this same man would have me turned into THE SHADOW OF MYSELF.
If I had known that his presence in my life would cause the past I thought I had avoided to repeat itself, I would have run more than a million miles away from him.
How did he go from making me feel better to shattering me?
You will find out in Episode 4 (coming soon……..).
Follow PenMadame {@ikeadeoladipupo} on X for fictional and real-life stories.