Oladipupo Aminat
PenMadame.
EPISODE 4
(Silenced by his words…..)
********************
Bolu started to fluctuate.
Sometimes it would take three days, even up to a week, before he replied to my messages.
He barely picked my calls, and when he did, he simply said he had been busy.
When he came back again, things got worse.
He started showing signs of i never truly understood;
•hiding his phone whenever I visited.
•not paying attention to me.
•and communication dropped again.
Whenever I tried to talk about it, he called me insecure.
One day, he flared up and finally showed who he truly was……
He said I didn’t love him and I hardly listened to him when he told me to do things.
“I’m sure not listening to one’s man is what your divorced mother taught you”
“Who knows if that’s why your father chased you and your mum out like dogs, because you people couldn’t submit to a man as the head.”
My whole existence shattered.
The man that once called me ‘a lady full of love’ started referring to me as ‘too broken to love’.
And that was how I became trauma bonded; I excused the bad moments to hold unto how great our relationship was.
I couldn’t leave.
I couldn’t speak.
I was just……..there.
It started as small manipulation, but before I understood what was happening, I was already trapped.
His words became my reality.
The words “too broken to love” and “too insecure” kept echoing in my mind.
********************
When I went home, my maternal cousin noticed how unkempt, quiet, and distant I had become.
He had been with my mum since my brother was transferred to Abuja from his work place.
He called me aside and talked to me gently.
That was the first time I opened up about everything.
And immediately, he saw what I could not see;
all the glaring signs of manipulation.
He advised me to cut off all communication.
But it was hard…
I kept staring at my phone whenever notifications popped up.
When he finally stopped texting, I cried my eyes out for days.
I checked his status to see what he was up to, and that was when I realized he had moved on quickly, less than a month after we broke up.
Just like my father did……to my mother.
Weeks rolled into weeks, and slowly, I started finding myself again.
Fortunately for me, a web development training program came to my institution to teach female students for a month.
I learned web development as a skill and took extra lessons online.
Little by little, I started working remotely
I eventually went no-contact, as my cousin advised, and severed all forms of communication.
I focused on healing and moving forward.
I resumed my HND program and began life afresh.
I joined online communities where people shared similar experiences.
That was when I realized I wasn’t alone.
People talked about abuse, survival, and triumph.
It was in those spaces that I learned deeply about the different forms of manipulation;
•manipulation wrapped as intense love
Eventually, I completed my HND program and went to serve my fatherland.
My mother’s joy knew no bounds.
One day, during one of our conversations, she mentioned that she hadn’t seen any man with me for a very long time.
I smiled, held her hands, and said:
“Maami, I just felt I needed to figure out what exactly I need from a man, and what I can offer, before saying yes to any of them. And I’m sure your greatest joy would be seeing me thrive beside my man.”
I paused, looked her straight in the eyes, held her hands firmly, and continued:
“You’ve always told me how your youth was stolen by Dad, how you had to kill your dreams to be with him, yet he never appreciated you. I don’t want history to repeat itself. I may not know everything about life, but at least, I want to stand firmly on my feet first.”
My words moved her almost to tears.
“Àgbéké mi….Omo Olá. Omo Àjànàkú kojá, Mo rí’nkan fìrí……..,” she sniffed.
“You have my full support. I want you to reach your full potential and never make the same mistake I made. May Allah, in His infinite mercy, bless you with a man who understands a wife is a companion and will embrace you as one.”
“Ameen… Eṣhéy Máámí,” I whispered.
“Continue to pray for me. Your prayers have been very effective over my brother and me.”
She nodded and gave me a hug that almost lasted for a lifetime……
Since then, she has allowed me to grow on my own, supporting me with prayers and gentle advice.
However, the story……does not end here.
It always doesn’t……………
Final Episode; Episode 5 drops soon.
Watch out….
(Follow PenMadame {@ikeadeoladipupo} on X for fiction and real-life stories)